The screen door slams and I skip a little, out of pure joy. It’s the first of October. The month I look forward to all year-long. I link my arm with Gwyn’s as we turn the corner and head towards Adagios for our Wednesday morning breakfast. I’m still in my pj’s and I smile as I breathe deep the crisp morning air. It’s so fun to have roommates you enjoy. It’s even more fun to walk to breakfast together and chat about all the good things in life that make this season so beautiful. She orders her black coffee while I sprinkle some cinnamon into my tea, and we choose a little table out-of-the-way and settle in. Gwyn is telling me about tea leaves while soaking her breakfast sandwich in hot sauce and I let my mind wander to the life I’ve lived here for the past two months and what it will look like in the future. I ponder over the good things I’ve experienced in Denver and the tough life decisions I’m having to make. The woes and wants of a developing character, as I like to call it.
The past few weeks have taught me a lot about grace, humility, thankfulness and blessing. I’ve gone through many applications, interviews, networking opportunities, etc and have been turned down from each one. I’ve spent hours calling, emailing, connecting and attempting to “be in the right place at the right time”. What do I have to show for it, you ask? A plane ticket home set for October 7th and the awkward moments where people say “Ah, welcome to Colorado! You are gonna love it here.” I usually just smile and agree, too tired and frustrated to correct them. After all, how am I going to explain to a world of people that I’m out of money and time and therefore am heading back to the nest for some much desired rest and redirection?
I’ve decided that I’m just going to say, “Yep, Colorado was INCREDIBLE and I’m so blessed that I got to live there for two months, but I am thrilled to be home and to be focusing on what the Lord has next… so how are you?” and leave it at that.
With this decision comes a lot of internal struggle where I deal with thoughts of self-doubt, failure, weakness, etc. People called me strong and courageous for making this sudden move out here and my return back East feels like a traitor. It’s always humbling when a friend I haven’t talked to in a while sends me an email saying “I am so proud of what you did with moving out to Colorado and I’m so excited to see what the Lord does for you out there,” and I email back and say “haha funny you should say that cause I’m actually moving home…”
But the difference between how I view it and how God views it is immense. I originally viewed my flight home as a let down and the end of whatever journey God had called me to out here. What I’m slowly learning is that the Lord’s timing is perfect. If I hadn’t moved to Colorado I never would have been forced to accept the good graces of others, to push myself into uncomfortable social situations where I literally know no one. I never would have seen how quickly strangers can become sisters and how within a months time hearts can be strengthened 10-fold. In the past seven weeks I’ve been challenged in my walk with Christ in ways I didn’t know possible. I’ve developed a desire and thirst to know the truth about Christianity and what it all means. I’ve grown to be more open and understanding of others viewpoints, while standing firm on my own. I’ve been prayed over and fought for and loved on. I’ve pushed my body to its physical limits and seen some of the most amazing landscape. I’ve eaten really good food, become known at coffee shops, floated down rivers, woken up in tents, biked a hundred miles, hiked alone through the woods, made friends out of strangers on the street, and sipped many cups of coffee while pouring myself into the job of finding a job. I’ve grown to know Denver. I’ve learned the rhythm of the city and the characters it holds. I’ve seen the pride of these people and their love for this city and state they call home, and it’s beautiful. Denver is the most incredible mix of people who come from everywhere except Colorado. So yes, I would say these two months have been the biggest blessing and not a second or dime wasted.
I am leaving Colorado, for the time being, with joy knowing that my time here meant something, that these friendships I’ve built are incredible and that I am a changed person because of this journey. So while I don’t know what will come after October, I’ve decided to put my worry and work aside and will be spending this month being in love with fall, enjoying every drop of time with family, preparing for and celebrating my brother’s wedding to my absolutely beautiful and loving “almost” sister-in-law Shanna, taking daily walks through the neighborhood with Chaps, celebrating my 23rd birthday and visiting some of my favorite people in Boone, NC.
There are so many lessons I’ve learned. To list them all would be a disaster because you all would hate me for making this post even longer than it is. So I’ll just put a few!
1. God calls us to different things in life at the perfect time.
2. Relying on people is an act that takes great strength and a clear understanding of who you are in Christ.
3. The Appalachian mountains are 100x more beautiful than the Rockies… (feel free to disagree)
4. Trusting that the Lord will provide is absolutely necessary and forever difficult.
5. The number one thing I should be seeking is rest and direction through time with the Lord.
6. It is alright for me to choose a life that brings significance and not “success only”.
7. The 20’s is a hard season of finding out who you are.
It is amazing how much peace I’ve found in knowing that my Heavenly Father is putting these steps before me with joy, knowing that each one will bring me a little closer to Him. He is so kind to bring me home during the holiday season and this favorite month of mine and I will not take this little blessing for granted. I love not knowing where my life is going or what is right around the bend because when it does show up, I’m surprised, relieved and thankful for the next step. Colorado you have been oh-so-good to me and I hope I get to spend more time exploring you eventually. But for now I’ve set my sights on Eastern shores and the beautiful next step calling me home.
Footsteps of Tender Feet 