Tomorrow is a holiday for our office here in Haiti and I’ve decided to treat myself to a weekend by the sea. Therefore the next two days are going to consist of a great deal of sun, sand and rest. How fitting as this will also be my last weekend in Haiti and I will finally be able to swim in the crystal blue waters of the Caribbean! On Thursday I am coming home and I couldn’t be more excited. I’ve enjoyed aspects of my time here in Haiti abundantly, and there are things that I will miss as soon as the plane takes off. But for the most part I am excited and thankful that this time has come.
I’ll be moving back in with Bettie, settling back into the office life, and thinking about my future. My contract with Water Missions runs through the end of August and after that none of us are quite sure what the future holds. I’m incredibly thankful to be returning home without the pressure of immediately searching for a new job, but if I am to be honest, it is never far from my mind. My stay here in Haiti has allowed me ample time for reflection, contemplation and critical thinking about the future. The stream of thoughts is a never-ending circle of what-if’s, and self-doubt, and wild dreaming, and without considerable determination they stand a good chance of running me over. so I work hard to shut them off.
I’ve always known about Rick Warren. I grew up hearing his name and seeing his work on the bookshelves. I probably even opened one a time or two. But I’ve never really considered reading one through and through as they always resembled self-help books. And if there’s one thing I hate in life, it’s self-help books. But today, Warrens’ “The Purpose Driven Life” caught my eye, and before my devious mind could convince me otherwise I had cautiously picked it up and opened the cover.
“The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even your happiness. It’s far greater than your family, your career, or even your wildest dreams and ambitions. If you want to know why you were placed on this planet, you must begin with God. You were born by his purpose and for his purpose.” – The Purpose Driven Life – pg. 17
From the beginning he is vocal about it not being a self-help book, which usually makes me shut the book because every self-help books claims to not be a self-help book, but I continue reading. From an early age I have desired a successful life. But not necessarily worldly success. Somewhere along the road I decided that my major life goal was to become spiritually successful, to be the best of the best at following the Lord. It sounds like an okay thing to want right? Except I have always approached it the way self-help books tell you to approach worldly success. “Clarify your values. Set your goals. Figure out what you are good at. Aim high. Go for it!” In my spiritual striving to be the best I have become completely self-focused. Which, I’m pretty sure, is the exact opposite of what the Bible teaches.
“Obsession with self in these matters is a dead-end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life.” Romans 8:6
As I read through the first day in Warrens’ 40 day spiritual journey I began to realize the truth of what he’s saying in my own life. My greatest fear is that my “big moment” will come and I will miss it. I’ll be to chicken to take the leap, and from that momentary failure the trajectory of my life will forever be less than its greatest potential. Here I am so wrapped up in my fear of missing the moment that I’ve completely missed the point. It’s not about me. It has and always will be about God and his glory. I can strive for the rest of my life to be the best at everything I do. Hours and days given over to worrying about which path to take and which choice will lead me to the crown. As though life were nothing more than a chess game and with enough logic one can find the right path to a checkmate. But even if I win at everything I do, become the best of the best, have novels written about me, and a name known around the world, and yet I miss the purpose God created me for, then I have nothing; then I am nothing.
Instead of focusing on what I want to do to make a difference for Christ, I must search the heart of God for the purpose he has laid out for me. And I invite you to join me. As new seasons and new opportunities come along, let’s be the kind of people who reach for purpose rather than success. Who understand the gift of giving up our lives for our Savior and in return receiving abundantly more than we could ask or imagine. Lets put away our chess boards and begin the journey of determining what God created us to do, with all the trust, faith and excitement our hearts can muster.
“It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.” Ephesians 1:11
If you are feeling uncertain of your future or where you’re supposed to be, you are cordially invited to join me in reading Warrens’ “The Purpose Driven Life”. After all, two are stronger than one! And I promise, no self-help books.
Footsteps of Tender Feet 
So true, Jen! Thanks for sharing this! If I want to mention your blog on the Reeb and Walker FB pages, would that be ok? How does someone sign up for it?
HK had the hottest June on record for the last 100 years, and today feels like it will break a record too. I walked from 8-9 this a.m. and felt a little dehydrated by the end of it – and soaked to the bone. Maybe those hot days in CLT lately helped prepare me for this. Lots of people carry umbrellas here – to keep the sun off!
I am meeting Kwan in a few minutes – she was in last year’s summit. She said she would pick me up and we would go somewhere fun – interesting. Every day has been very interesting so far! The kids here are so cute. I spent some time yesterday working on MM and family stuff, so that’s good – keeps me grounded!
I took some gospels of John to a housing estate yesterday thinking I might get in a conversation and be able to hand them out – not a soul spoke English! Always a learning experience when you are 100% an outsider!
love you my friend!
Mama
Jennie, i have the book with me now so you can use it when I get home which is the day before you do. Thought you said the 11 but the bed may not have been change as they are there overnight WEd. That was excellent.i realize how difficult it really is to lead a purpose driven life, called and not driven is how i like to say.Just to present myself to tHim each day. Surrender to his will and not mine, none of this is easy for me so you encourage me as usual. I am going to forward that to my grandson Ross as eh makes his way int this world . Already chosen wisely I think because he heard ? gone !!! and choose to buy a used rather than new and not have big payments. . See you Thursday. Wow.
Blessings! Bettie Clark
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