3,2,1… Auf Wiedersehen darling Kenya

Moses Cone!

I don’t know about y’all but it is very hard for me to believe that the past 6 months are already gone. I remember the beginning of this whole process like it was just yesterday. But enough focus on the past, lets look at the future!

Today I am supposed to write out all the things I have learned while living in Kenya. In actuality, I’m procrastinating because that sounds like a very daunting task to me right now. So I am skyping a friend in New Zealand and closing out my finances at the main office. I think after lunch I will tackle the task of understanding the Lord’s plan. Over the next three days I will finish editing my last video, send out both my video projects, finishing editing photos, buy a few last-minute gifts, do my debrief with Trish, fill out all the paperwork and spend time praying over the past, present and future.

Then, Thursday night at 7pm I’ll get into the taxi and head to the airport where my plane will take off and that will be that. The wheels will lift off the ground and I’ll have my last view of this beautiful country. I’ll say goodbye to the life I’ve lived here and turn my eyes towards the next adventure of England and Switzerland.

I’ll spend 4 days with my sister Carie in London, seeing the sights, eating delicious food, catching a show of our favorite band NEEDTOBREATHE and filling each other in on the past 6 months of our lives. Then it’s off to Switzerland for a few days where I’ll meet up with friends that I spent the first few months here in Kenya with. They have graciously welcomed me into their home to see their country and learn more about their lives!

It will be a very busy week as I travel around Europe a little, especially after just leaving Kenya but I’m incredibly grateful for the time to relax. The time between leaving and arriving home. The anticipation of leaving (and all the emotions that come with it) will be over but I won’t have to face the reality of life in America yet. I will get a chance to just live. A time with no questions and no expectations from anyone. I’ll get to pour out my heart to my sister and reflect on life a little before I answer to people at home.

I am so excited to share what I have experience with friends and family but I’m thankful for the time to just sit and think first. I think it was a gift from the Lord in that it will allow me the opportunity to straighten out my thoughts and emotions of leaving before I’m hit with all the emotions of arriving home. Transitions are always nice 🙂

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As I am preparing to leave I am asking myself all sorts of questions:

what are you doing after this?
who are you now that you have experienced this other world?
what do you want from life at home?
what will my struggles be?
where is the Lord calling me?
how do I live the way He has taught me to here, back in the States?

So many questions that I don’t think I’ll be able to answer until I’m back home. So many questions that occupy my mind and remind me how small my view of this world and my time on earth is. When these types of questions push through my brain, I tend to get wound-up quickly and lose faith in my ability to answer them all. The funny thing is that it’s not up to me to answer them. It’s up to Jesus and when I lose control of the answers I find that Jesus had them all figured out before I even asked them. He doesn’t always tell me the answers when I ask, but I have learned to trust that in His time He will show me the way.

So as I get ready to take-off, I have decided to work steadily towards understanding the heart of Jesus and to trust that the rest of the unknown is up to Him.

That being said, see you in 12 days America!

a Mzungu’s thankful thoughts

“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where
does my help come? My help comes from the Lord.”
Psalms 121:1-2

My time in Kenya has had its tough moments. But one thing I am learning is to, in the moments of trial, immediately turn my heart to Jesus. To take comfort in His name and in His truth.

Hanging up the family Skype call I take a moment to gather my feelings for a debrief. I knew this would happen 10 months ago when I committed to the full six months. I understood and signed my name, waving away the right to Thanksgiving with the family. Walking through this day (8 hours ahead of home) I imagined all the smells, sounds and sights I would witness if I was there. I spent the day being thankful that they exist and that I have gotten to experience them so often in the past 21 years. But today was different. Because today I didn’t wake up to my cousins jumping on my bed and the smells of a feast being cooked by Uncle Jim. I didn’t get to feel the crunch of the leaves, nor the whip of the wind as I chase down the offensive player going for the touch down. I didn’t get to pick up little Alex like I did when I first met him after he was born. I couldn’t feel the warmth of the fire at night nor stay up till the wee hours of the morning being filled in on the lives of my dear, dear cousins. The colors, the tastes, the laughter – all of it was missing and my world was somehow silent, even within the bustle of this great city.

Yet my heart rests in peace. He is walking here with me. He hasn’t left, even when I feel alone. I broke down my feelings and handed each piece to Him, letting Him rebuild them as He gathered them up in His capable hands. His love is enough today. His love is enough everyday.

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James 1:2-3 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

I have seen lots of trials here. Trials I have had to work through and trials many of the Kenyans have to work through daily. Most of them are trials us westerners never even think of. But I can say honestly that I am thankful for them. It is in the hard times that we see the Lord most clearly and grow more in love with Him.

I am thankful that I am with Jesus.
I am thankful that I am free to give up all things to Him.
I am thankful that in all things He works for the good of those who love him.
I am thankful that He called me by my name. Not the name I was given by men but rather by the name the King of Kings gave me before I was even imagined. He called my by my real name – the name I was created to bear. And that call brought me here.

You see, while I miss my family at home, I have found comfort and joy in the fact that my true and eternal family is here with me. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be and that is the biggest thing I can give thanks for. My heart soars tonight as I get ready for bed because I can hear His voice speaking love over me. I can feel it soaking into my veins like a gentle watering brook. I am not alone tonight. Tonight I am filled with  love from the greatest lover and in that I feel at home.

Wherever you are today, be it America or some other part of this world, I pray and hope that you feel loved in ways no holiday tradition can produce. I wish I could show you how He loves but it’s something you just have to experience for yourself. So take a chance, open the door and see what He has waiting on the other side!

Happy Thanksgiving y’all!

The Final Stretch

14 days…

It’s all that stands between me and my departure.
The last month of my 6 month-long journey through a different world.
The last two weeks of my life in Kenya.

how do I feel? (one may ask)

I feel joy.

Joy over all aspects of it. Over the hundreds of hours I have spent laughing here. The many memories of messing up the language, of being called “muzungu”, of holding my breath as a bus passes and leaves me in a cloud of exhaust. Unending pictures of beautiful landscape and even more breath-taking children. The memories of holding little ones, especially little Austin, and wanting to sneak them away and give them everything the world has to offer.

Joy over the tears, happy and sad. Joy over the moments of loneliness and doubt because they allowed me to see the Lord move in ways I’ve never known before. Joy over His constant presence and strength. Joy over being shown my weakness and being allowed to witness the Lord become even more beautiful because of them. Joy over the struggles of finding myself in all the madness. Joy because of all the love, prayers and blessings I received from family and friends at home. Joy over growing to love and respect my parents more because of what I have learned. Joy over the countless times the Lord has corrected, comforted and guided me. Joy even in the moments of anger towards God for not solving these problems I have witnessed and for allowing this suffering to continue, for out of that anger there always came a strong, soft voice that reminded me that He is hurting for these people more than I ever could, and He is holding them more carefully than any earthly security I can offer.

I’m full of joy that He blessed me with one more month – I’m not ready to go yet. Don’t get me wrong… I miss home TERRIBLY. There are days when I see a picture of the beautiful fall mountains of Boone, NC and my heart breaks. There are moments when I hang up the phone after a conversation with one of my roommates and I wish like anything I could be there. It’s so tough for me to be away from my family and friends. One thing that is very important to me is being a good friend, sister and daughter. I want so desperately to be able to hold my friends as they go through tough situations and to help my dad cook (because he loves to cook) and to laugh at imaginary situations that my sister and I make up. But that is part of what my Savior called me to trust Him with. He called my name and asked me to follow. He said, “Jennie, are you willing to give up the things you love so that I can show you more of the things I love?” He first asked me that question a year ago when I was sitting alone in my car. He has asked me that question every day I have been in Kenya and every day I have to choose to say yes. Some days I don’t. Some days I get upset that I’m missing time with the people I love most. But when I return to His word and to His promises I am set straight. My eyes are opened and the burden becomes a joy. Instead of being sad about being away, I become completely joyous over being apart of His plan and His love for these people.

So I feel joy. In everything.

These last two weeks I will spend working on a promotional video for Joy Springs School (a primary school in Kibera) and another one for my friend Steve’s organization “Uzima“. I am excited yet nervous. These videos are extremely fun to make and I wouldn’t trade my job for the world when I’m making one, but I have never had formal training and that makes me nervous. I want to do an excellent job but I doubt my own abilities. So I am leaving it up to God. I will take my camera into the slum, meet these beautiful children and the wonderful adults working desperately to change the lives of this younger generation and I will capture moments. I will be an open vessel for the Lord and ask only that His story would be told through this video. May His name the praised and may his children be loved even more through my work.

As I get closer to leaving I ask only that you would pray for my eyes to be focused on Jesus. There is a lot of work, many emotions and tons of details to work through as this time wraps up but I know He isn’t done with me yet! Pray that my heart would stay true to Him and that I would stay focused on my purpose for being here.

Pray also for hope for this nation. There are many more people who will come to this land with the call to reach those who are lost. Pray for the growth of these people. I am here for 6 months. That isn’t a long time, but it is enough if the Lord says it is. My prayer is that I wouldn’t leave these people unchanged. My prayer is that I will be faithful to continue on until the day of completion and that my Father would be faithful to fulfill His good work in & through me.

I have no words left to say as my heart is full. May He be lifted high today, tomorrow and forever!