The rains have come.

As I passed the open kitchen door I noticed a difference in the sky. Usually the afternoon storm-clouds roll in deep and dark, puffing up all their supposed fury and blowing themselves out in a matter of minutes. Today a quiet gray sky peered back at me, holding the appearance of a solid wall descending, sneaking upon us quietly. I knew then that these rains would be different. For over two hours now the sky has unleashed it’s long-awaited mercy on this scorched land, and as I stand and watch it fall, I cannot help but think about the perfect timeliness of it all. This past week has been the spiritual rainfall my heart has long been desiring.

We had a few guests visit us, some from In Touch Ministries and one from Renew Outreach. All eight guests are incredible and I rejoiced Monday night as our group gathered around the table. That table, that for weeks had felt so huge now seemed tiny as it overflowed with food, laughter and fellowship. I spent two lovely days soaking up as much conversation as I could, preparing my mind and heart for our time in the field and then Wednesday we headed out. The group was here to install a device that would allow for the Bible to be shared with community members via phones. It’s incredible work and I’m currently writing a piece for Water Missions that details all of our work and the experiences we had. But I don’t want to write about that here. Here I want to write about myself and the Lord and just how merciful He truly is.

I love my work. What Water Missions does for the world is incredible. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of things more awesome than bringing safe water to the people who need it most. But the Christian component develops through a slow long-term relationship-building method and over the past month, as I’ve worked to tell the stories of my organization, I’ve grown weary and despondent from lack of outright Jesus ministry. The more issues we discovered, the more destruction and brokenness I saw, the more I lost hope that our work really mattered. The more I struggled to produce excellent content on my own with a lack of compassion and hope, the more exhausted and discouraged I became. I am embarrassed to admit just how defeated I was by the time the visitors arrived. My work became stagnant, words wouldn’t flow and the message of my stories began to fade into that of a bleak report rather than a praise of what Jesus is doing here.

Turn the page to Wednesday and Thursday. The most convicting, encouraging and challenging 48 hours I’ve experienced in a long time. As I watched our guests rejoice and delight in the world they were witnessing I began to feel that familiar prick in my heart. The one I get when I know the Holy Spirit is trying to mold me. He began to soften me and remind me of who I’m working for and with.

Is my work quite challenging? Yes
Are parts of it incredibly painful? Yes
Have there been days when I want to quit and catch the next flight out? Yes

So many things here make me miss home and feel weak. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned and am continuing to learn, it’s that God is most present and powerful when I am at my weakest. The conversations I had this week reminded me of that truth. Our guests are fully passionate about the Lord and as I captured photos of them installing a system that will radically change the face of Christianity in Haiti, I rejoiced in my heart for the gift God had given me. Just when I reached the point where I didn’t know how I would continue or succeed at my work, He showed me the purpose of what I’m doing; the way building safe water systems leads directly into sharing the Gospel with entire communities.

Over the past five weeks I’ve struggled intensely with multiple different aspects of my work and personal life and as I’ve laid them down at the feet of Jesus, He has given to me a replenishing peace and a strengthening hope for the work ahead. As the weeks have continued He has given me abundantly more than I asked for and as I look at my hands today, overflowing with His mercy and goodness, I don’t know how to contain it all. Multiple times a day I feel myself becoming overwhelmed by the abundant amount of blessings He has piled onto my lap. When I first arrived in Haiti I asked Him to bless my work and now I don’t know what to do with all He has put before me. I am under-qualified, inexperienced and at times terrified, yet as I open my hands to Him I am reassured that it is not by my power that this will all come to fruition, but by His. What He has given me will not go to waste, and just as He called me into this role, He will also qualify me for it so that through the meager work of my hands the name of our God will be glorified.

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Thank you all for the abundance of prayers y’all have been sending my way. It has been an incredibly challenging month and as I face the last three(ish) weeks of my time here I am encourage and renewed by your support. Major amounts of bear hugs and love heading your way!

As of now I am scheduled to be back in the States on the 18th of July. No pictures will be joining this blog post as they are currently being sent to Charleston for review but if you want to see a few I took during our travels you can find them here and here!