“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalms 30:5
I was a wreck last night. We arrived in Denver to a grey blanket covering the city, depressing rain and an hour of stop and go traffic. There was absolutely nothing romantic about our arrival. After taking a few wrong turns we found the house and then decided we needed to get some supplies to bring to dinner, as we didn’t want to show up empty handed. This next journey was a nightmare. Continue reading
(Written Yesterday)
Sitting in the passenger seat of Lauren’s Honda Accord I decided I couldn’t handle another minute of staring at fields hoping something would change. So I’ve turned on the hot spot on my phone and am attempting to connect to the outside world. Continue reading
The alarm went off at 5:40 this morning, and for the first time in a long time I woke up alert and ready. Throwing on my jean shorts and sweater I quickly grabbed my keys and journal, and giving Sam a pat on the head walked out the door. Continue reading
This morning I am reminded of another day not so long ago. One where I woke up with no alarm, disconnected from the world, and sat quietly in the beauty of the earth around me. The soft pitter-patter of rain falling mixed so well with the crisp spring air and the smell of life blooming. There is something about these kinds of days that soaks deep into your bones, bringing all your senses to life at once. Continue reading
I am coming out of the fog. An internal fog that for some time now has plagued me and left my spirit feeling untended, alone and blank. How can I attempt to describe what that time was like when the blankness of it all leaves me as that of a child without language? It is a feeling which one has to experience for oneself, only I hope you never have to. This post is supposed to be about my mindset and how I have decided it’s time to break it.
I grew up thinking that success looked exactly like how my parents have lived their lives. (It should be noted that my parents didn’t teach me this, it’s just how my child brain interpreted what I saw and heard. My parents are some of the most God-fearing, wise, compassionate people I’ve ever met.) I thought that if I didn’t graduate in less than four years, debt free and if I didn’t retire from whatever freakishly successful job I had by 32 and if I didn’t have a worldwide impact for Christ then not only did I slack off and not work hard enough, but I also gave up on God and didn’t give Him my best. I know, it’s an insane and unfair way to think, but that’s how I thought. I had a fear of being stuck in life, unable to live a life of “freedom”. It turns out that my view of freedom is a little bit skewed. Yes, I think that money does provide some amount of freedom and I have been shown again and again how the Lord blesses people financially in order for them to turn around and impact the world for Christ in incredible ways. That doesn’t mean it’s the only way to serve Christ and it doesn’t mean it’s the way for me.
So He had to do some breaking down and some building up. I quickly realized that this struggle I’ve been experiencing since a young woman is really a struggle between my head and my heart. My head says that if I don’t do life this way (the same route as my parents) then I won’t be able to really serve Christ. My heart says that I was created to serve Christ in a different way and that it’s okay. Now I just have to make my head and my heart compromise.
Here’s a little back-story for those of you who don’t know me all so well. All my life I have been working to get ahead of the curve. In high school I worked to earn as much money as I could so that I could get through college debt free. In college I worked to do that too. All my efforts were put into studies to make the best grades possible and be involved deeply with extra-curricular activities so that my resume would look attractive to people. I’ve travelled to gain experience, joined committees, completed internships, and said yes to anything and everything people asked me to do or be apart of. I pushed to be the leader for whatever I was apart of, thinking that if I wasn’t at the top being the best leader possible to everyone always, then I was failing. There have been some good things that have come out of that. I am going to graduate debt free, I have the courage to live in other countries and I understand other cultures better because of my opportunities to travel, I have gained valuable experience as a leader and been pushed to be a better version of myself.
The only problem is that I’m not actually being true to who I am.
When I was younger, we would get out of church after a service about selling what you have and giving it all away or about taking care of orphans and widows or any number of verses like those and we would talk about it on the way home. I remember frequently getting furious and crying because I felt like we weren’t living how Jesus wanted us too. Granted at this time I didn’t understand what my dad does or how Jesus calls us all to different platforms for His glory. So we would drive off in our Mercedes to go get lunch and my heart would be breaking. In my mind, when Jesus said He was enough and that He would provide, that meant that I needed to go home, pack up my bed, toys and lunch box and walk it down the street to give it to someone who really needed it. I have always been a little extreme and when it comes to believing that if I were to sell all I have and give it away, that Jesus really would provide what I need, I truly believe that.
And there you find the struggle.
Am I supposed to be a successful PR practitioner who gives to charity and uses her business platform for Christ? Am I supposed to be a missionary living off the grace of others in some dirty city in China? Am I supposed to be a stay at home mom living in a suburb outside Denver who supports her husbands’ ministry? Am I supposed to use my love of photography to capture stories around the world that inspire others to follow Christ’s calling on their lives?
How do I know where I’m supposed to be in all of this fog? How do I know what is right? How do I convince my head that a life without sufficient funds is just as good as a life of luxury? How do I persuade myself that I don’t have to be the one person who changes the world but that I can in-fact be the behind the scenes person who helps others fulfill their purposes? Is being a stay at home mom a copout? Is having financial freedom to allow my husband to run a ministry in Chicago just as good as adopting 100 orphans in Kenya and being poor?
Can anyone tell me what is the best option for serving Christ the best?
…
Are these the question I should be asking? They’re the ones I have been asking for the past two years. This endless stream of questions, debating about how I’m supposed to serve the Lord best. The crazy idea that if I don’t choose the correct future then I will have completely failed the Lord.
Do I follow my head or my heart?
Want to know something cool?! Christ has given me the freedom to follow my heart. He just asks that I take my head along with me. He has shown me that I can find great joy in having nothing but Him and living a simplistic life. He has shown me that I can find great joy in having a lot of money to be able to bless others with it. He has shown me that I do not and will not know the future but that I only have to take a step towards what I really enjoy doing and He will be right there beside me.
So the fog is lifting. I have stopped trying to prepare for the next season and I’m allowing Jesus to just float me down the river. I’m not going to swim with all my might towards one bank when I feel called to the other. I have put aside positions of leadership because I was wrapped up in them mostly because of pride issues. I wanted to be the one person that the organization couldn’t function without. That is completely opposite from who Christ is, so I figured it was a great place to start with getting rid of things. I have made my schedule so that I have time to really be with the Lord. I have decided that I don’t want to be in the corporate world. I have decided that I would love to spend part of my life being a stay at home mom (if He allows that). I have decided that I don’t need a plan. I have been blessed with an open heart. I find joy in many walks of life and I will let Him use that for His glory!
So may the wind blow and may it carry me wherever the heart of God is. Whatever my earthly situation looks like, I find my joy in Christ. He has shown me that He can use me wherever I am, now I must learn to have my life be about His glory. Not mine.
I haven’t been silent for a literal century, but eight months of writing nothing has left me with what feels like a lifetime of feelings, thoughts, revelations and confessions in which I feel compelled to share. If I’m to be truly honest, I think one reason I haven’t written is because I’m afraid of verbalizing what I’ve discovered. As if the pain, confusion and loneliness will become even harder if I burden others with it. I am slowly learning that this thought process has the acute ability to poison the rest of my thinking and how I live my every-day life. I have discovered that its time for me to change, once again.
To keep you all from going crazy, I am going to split up what I’ve been learning over a few separate blogs that I will be posting over the next few weeks. This month of August will be a catch-up month for me. One in which I relay the events of the past eight months to you. I can guarantee that it won’t be easy, as I didn’t record a lot of details in my journal because of my fear of facing what I was going through. So I’m guessing things may get a little messy. However, I am going to be as concise and organized as is humanly possible and just leave whatever comes from it in the capable hands of Jesus!
To start off this month, I am going to use this post to tell you about where I am currently. Nothing too deep or thoughtful will come in these following words, simply what I am doing, where I am and what the immediate future looks like.
So lets begin!
I spent this summer doing one session of summer school, which was a lot harder than I expected. The amount of work I had to cram into five weeks was quite intense but I really enjoyed every moment of it. The class, Crisis Communication, was interesting, relatable and just exciting enough to have me sitting on the edge of my chair. One thing I know about myself is that when I am really interested in something, my fear of saying the wrong thing is non-existent. In my desire to understand it completely I say everything related to the subject that comes to mind. In my desire to correct my ways of thinking that aren’t honest I question my teachers reasoning and require that they explain further than the expected textbook answer. My desire is to push beyond the boundaries of the usually simplistic conversations one experiences in a classroom full of lackadaisical students trying simply to pass the time, and create something new; to take something completely unknown and become its master. This character trait will show up later but for now to simply know of it is enough.
Along with my summer course I took on an internship with the Solar Decathlon Europe team through Appalachian State University. Being one of two American teams invited to the European tournament in France next summer, our mission is to build sustainable housing in the French living style of row houses. We are designing and constructing a usable house completely run by solar power and in May 2014 the group will be taking the house to France to participate in a 10-challenge competition. My job was to run the social media, act as the resident photographer and help with fund raising. The best part of it all? I completely loved what I was doing. I loved the work because I was able to create and develop strategies and ways to get our name out there. I loved the people I worked with and their quirky ways. I loved the atmosphere and the way people were alight with some inner passion for their work. We were all pioneers, all leaving what we knew behind in order to follow the desires of our hearts. We allowed ourselves to dream and we dreamed big! I was challenged every day to be a quicker thinker, deeper dreamer and a stronger leader. I was constantly being handed things I had never even seen before with a note of “have this to me by four” written on top. Where panic used to take over I learned how to compartmentalize things and work around the obstacles in my path. I took authority for ideas and decisions and while I messed up sometimes, the greatest moments were the ones when my boss and I would debrief. I would stand in his office reading off a list of updates on projects along with new projects I had organized myself, updating him on email communications that I responded to for him, connections I had made and update details from fellow interns about their projects. He would listen, look through my notes and then smile at me. “Well that’s really good work!” was the best words I could hear and knowing that I had gone above and beyond made the rest of my day float by because I knew we were one step closer to our goal (at least that’s the explanation I gave myself).
On top of classes and internships I was asked by one of my professors to be one of the Undergraduate representatives on a governance committee for Appalachian. I agreed, thinking it would be a great learning experience and a good way for me to give back to this wonderful school of mine. It is quite intimidating and the five-minute presentation I have to give tomorrow is looming over me like an old, skeptical professor. Sometimes I feel too young to be doing the things I’m doing.
So the summer was rainy, exhausting, fulfilling and the fastest one I have ever experienced. I decided last minute to take a vacation before school starts on the 20th and a vacation it was! I woke up on August 3rd at 4:30 a.m. and drove to Pennsylvania. The whole extended family was there and the only word to describe that time is chaos. I left PA on the 6th and drove to the Outer Banks of NC to surprise my roommate. This four-day stint by the ocean is now among my top 10 favorite trips I’ve ever been on. Saturday the 10th I drove to Raleigh to spend the weekend with my brother and then attended a work conference from the 12th to the 14th. That was my vacation and it was chaos all the way through!
School starts on the 20th and it’s beginning brings with it mixed feelings of nostalgia and excitement. As some of you may know, the future is what my mind is focused on most of the time and my impending graduation is at the top of my thinking list. The repetitive questions of “where will you live” and “what are you going to do” have started making an appearance in my life and when spoken my brain goes into freak-out mode leaving me with the image of floating in the middle of an ocean without a paddle. It seems impossible to me that I should know what I would be doing in a year. When I started my second year at App I never would have guessed that in a years time I would be living in Kenya with no actual intention of returning. Life happens in a matter of moments and so until that moment comes I will stick to my middle of the ocean story.
So in five days my final year will start and I will begin the usual practices of a college student. But right now I’m sitting in my wonderful, cozy apartment in Boone, NC working to open my heart a tiny bit more to the world. Hoping against hope that the work of my Father will be translatable onto this page so that you all may catch a glimpse of Him. For while I have never felt more broken and torn to pieces, I have never felt so much clarity about Jesus. As crazy as it may sound, if I had one wish I would wish to never leave the desert. I would wish to remain dry and broken if it guaranteed that I would see Him and feel Him more clearly each day.
I will sign off now because I can’t think of trying to explain anything further. The heart is a fickle thing and can only stand so much probing in a day. I pray that you would give yourself over to Him today in a way that hurts. Take the piece of pride you have been holding onto, dig till you get the root and then lift it up. I can promise that while the digging and tearing may hurt for the present, the fresh dirt and beautiful grace and joy that He will plant in you will change your life.
Walking around the corner, dragging my feet, I glanced up and was bombarded by shouting, jumping and flailing bodies. My parents, roommates and a few close friends had journeyed to the airport to pick me up and as I made my rounds of hugs and took in the beautiful faces of the ones I loved, I had a weird feeling. It was all the same and it was all great and my heart was full, but for some reason, I didn’t fit.
For those of you who don’t know, I made a pit stop on my way home. My flight went through London so I scheduled a week layover and spent a few days in London and Bristol with my sister and then visited a few friends in Switzerland. I love Europe so it wasn’t any trouble to delay my arrival in America. I loved seeing my sister and we tramped around England together, taking in the sights and living life! We got to see our favorite band Needtobreathe play in the bottom of a boat and watched dancers splash the audience at the performance of Singing In The Rain. Our days were packed but they were good. We had the chance to really talk and I was able to run some of the issues I was dealing with, by her as she understands the effects of mission work. We had great talks, we had hard talks and then we just laughed. Switzerland was a blast! It is one of the coldest places I have ever been but the mountains are B.E.A.UTIFUL! I was so blessed by my friends there, in multiple ways, and the experience really helped prepare me for home.
In the 8 days after I left Kenya, I crammed more traveling that I’ve done in a year. By the end of it I was sick of airports, trams, trains and buses. I didn’t want to have to carry my bags anywhere else (I considered dumping them a few times in London but thought better of it), I didn’t want to spend more money, I wanted to see my dog and I wanted Chick-Fil-A. So walking around the corner at the Charlotte airport and being able to sink into my moms arms was the biggest gift of all. But despite the exhaustion, I couldn’t be more thankful for my time in Europe. It gave me a chance to work through leaving Kenya before having to deal with saying hello to my old life. I got a chance to just be me and to not have to answer to any life questions. I just got to enjoy this beautiful world the Lord has given us and to rest in Him for a few days.
I’m home… now what?
I arrived in Charlotte 9 days ago and the first thing we did was head to Cookout. That was a treat! We spent time talking and laughing and getting caught up in stories and by the time my eyes closed it was 3am (9am by my bodies clock). Sunday I woke up to my dads breakfast (a little piece of heaven) and then spent the day talking, resting, playing with Chaps (my puppy) and unpacking. That night my parents left for Texas for two days and I spent the night with my friend Lauren. By the end of the day I felt as though my body had been hit by a Mack truck, put through a blender and rolled down a hill. Monday I got my license renewed and headed up to Boone where I fell in love with our cute apartment and spent the day greeting friends.
It has been a whorl-wind experience over the past two weeks and I have a feeling it’s not going to slow down. I will spend the next week finishing up some work for Kenya, having debrief, greeting friends and supporters and heading up to Canada for Christmas with the relatives. Then New Years will hit. After that I’ll move into my apartment and prepare for school and then boom… the semester begins. Just a quick update on the logistics of life 🙂
—————————————————
Being back has brought with it many emotions and feelings. Like I mentioned earlier, I don’t feel like I fit. Most of the time I’m missing Kenya, the kids I loved there and the people I came to understand. It is very hard for me to look at a picture of Kenya without feeling the hole in my heart and tearing up. It’s wonderful to see the people I love again and to be in Boone but it’s no longer the center of my universe. I feel useless and blind in my future steps. Everyday for the past 6 months I have woken up with the Lord giving me clear instruction and knowing exactly what my purpose in the Lord is. And now I have no direction and no purpose. I woke up early this morning and couldn’t fall back to sleep. My mind was full of all the issues I’m dealing with and I couldn’t find an answer. So I just started talking with Jesus. I tried to explain how I am feeling and how difficult this is for me. He didn’t give me any answer other than peace. Like He did so many times in Kenya, He gently touched my heart and gave me that warm glow again. It’s become such a daily thing that if a day goes by without the Lord providing peace then I’m a mess. I have come to rely on His grace in my life because it’s all that got me through Kenya. So I sat there talking to Him and singing Frank Sinatra to Him (it’s been stuck in my head and I’m sure He doesn’t mind my singing voice). And then I got up.
One thing I regret about Kenya is not taking my study bible with me. Granted its heavier than I am but it would have been such a blessing to have had it with me. I rejoiced when I picked it up and was able to open it, feel it’s cover and to know the power within it. When I got up this morning I opened it up to where I left of reading back in May; John 16. So I started reading but I didn’t get very far. Verse 12 stopped me in my tracks and as soon as I read it I would feel the peace growing even brighter in my heart.
“There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can’t bear it now.”
I read it and read it again. And then I got the same feeling I had before I went to Kenya. The same feeling that took me to Kenya. That He has a plan beyond my wildest imagination and when it is His perfect time I will understand the next step. There is so much He wants to tell me! He is excited about my life and where He will take me! If the Lord is excited, how great must those plans be! I just can’t handle it right now.
So I have to make the same choice I made everyday in Kenya. I have to wake up today and choose to trust in what He has tought me and promised me. I have to look up today and believe that He is still in control. That He called me home for a reason and that He is still with me. I may not feel the same, but that’s okay because I’m not the same! How can one be touched by God and still be the same? So I will continue loving Kenya and its beautiful people. I will continue to cry when I remember the great times and the great loves I had there. I will continue to hope that one day I’ll be called back there and I will continue to trust in the God who took my heart away and gave me His.
Moses Cone!
I don’t know about y’all but it is very hard for me to believe that the past 6 months are already gone. I remember the beginning of this whole process like it was just yesterday. But enough focus on the past, lets look at the future!
Today I am supposed to write out all the things I have learned while living in Kenya. In actuality, I’m procrastinating because that sounds like a very daunting task to me right now. So I am skyping a friend in New Zealand and closing out my finances at the main office. I think after lunch I will tackle the task of understanding the Lord’s plan. Over the next three days I will finish editing my last video, send out both my video projects, finishing editing photos, buy a few last-minute gifts, do my debrief with Trish, fill out all the paperwork and spend time praying over the past, present and future.
Then, Thursday night at 7pm I’ll get into the taxi and head to the airport where my plane will take off and that will be that. The wheels will lift off the ground and I’ll have my last view of this beautiful country. I’ll say goodbye to the life I’ve lived here and turn my eyes towards the next adventure of England and Switzerland.
I’ll spend 4 days with my sister Carie in London, seeing the sights, eating delicious food, catching a show of our favorite band NEEDTOBREATHE and filling each other in on the past 6 months of our lives. Then it’s off to Switzerland for a few days where I’ll meet up with friends that I spent the first few months here in Kenya with. They have graciously welcomed me into their home to see their country and learn more about their lives!
It will be a very busy week as I travel around Europe a little, especially after just leaving Kenya but I’m incredibly grateful for the time to relax. The time between leaving and arriving home. The anticipation of leaving (and all the emotions that come with it) will be over but I won’t have to face the reality of life in America yet. I will get a chance to just live. A time with no questions and no expectations from anyone. I’ll get to pour out my heart to my sister and reflect on life a little before I answer to people at home.
I am so excited to share what I have experience with friends and family but I’m thankful for the time to just sit and think first. I think it was a gift from the Lord in that it will allow me the opportunity to straighten out my thoughts and emotions of leaving before I’m hit with all the emotions of arriving home. Transitions are always nice 🙂
————————————————-
As I am preparing to leave I am asking myself all sorts of questions:
what are you doing after this?
who are you now that you have experienced this other world?
what do you want from life at home?
what will my struggles be?
where is the Lord calling me?
how do I live the way He has taught me to here, back in the States?
So many questions that I don’t think I’ll be able to answer until I’m back home. So many questions that occupy my mind and remind me how small my view of this world and my time on earth is. When these types of questions push through my brain, I tend to get wound-up quickly and lose faith in my ability to answer them all. The funny thing is that it’s not up to me to answer them. It’s up to Jesus and when I lose control of the answers I find that Jesus had them all figured out before I even asked them. He doesn’t always tell me the answers when I ask, but I have learned to trust that in His time He will show me the way.
So as I get ready to take-off, I have decided to work steadily towards understanding the heart of Jesus and to trust that the rest of the unknown is up to Him.
That being said, see you in 12 days America!
“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where
does my help come? My help comes from the Lord.”
Psalms 121:1-2
My time in Kenya has had its tough moments. But one thing I am learning is to, in the moments of trial, immediately turn my heart to Jesus. To take comfort in His name and in His truth.
Hanging up the family Skype call I take a moment to gather my feelings for a debrief. I knew this would happen 10 months ago when I committed to the full six months. I understood and signed my name, waving away the right to Thanksgiving with the family. Walking through this day (8 hours ahead of home) I imagined all the smells, sounds and sights I would witness if I was there. I spent the day being thankful that they exist and that I have gotten to experience them so often in the past 21 years. But today was different. Because today I didn’t wake up to my cousins jumping on my bed and the smells of a feast being cooked by Uncle Jim. I didn’t get to feel the crunch of the leaves, nor the whip of the wind as I chase down the offensive player going for the touch down. I didn’t get to pick up little Alex like I did when I first met him after he was born. I couldn’t feel the warmth of the fire at night nor stay up till the wee hours of the morning being filled in on the lives of my dear, dear cousins. The colors, the tastes, the laughter – all of it was missing and my world was somehow silent, even within the bustle of this great city.
Yet my heart rests in peace. He is walking here with me. He hasn’t left, even when I feel alone. I broke down my feelings and handed each piece to Him, letting Him rebuild them as He gathered them up in His capable hands. His love is enough today. His love is enough everyday.
—————————————————————
James 1:2-3 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
I have seen lots of trials here. Trials I have had to work through and trials many of the Kenyans have to work through daily. Most of them are trials us westerners never even think of. But I can say honestly that I am thankful for them. It is in the hard times that we see the Lord most clearly and grow more in love with Him.
I am thankful that I am with Jesus.
I am thankful that I am free to give up all things to Him.
I am thankful that in all things He works for the good of those who love him.
I am thankful that He called me by my name. Not the name I was given by men but rather by the name the King of Kings gave me before I was even imagined. He called my by my real name – the name I was created to bear. And that call brought me here.
You see, while I miss my family at home, I have found comfort and joy in the fact that my true and eternal family is here with me. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be and that is the biggest thing I can give thanks for. My heart soars tonight as I get ready for bed because I can hear His voice speaking love over me. I can feel it soaking into my veins like a gentle watering brook. I am not alone tonight. Tonight I am filled with love from the greatest lover and in that I feel at home.
Wherever you are today, be it America or some other part of this world, I pray and hope that you feel loved in ways no holiday tradition can produce. I wish I could show you how He loves but it’s something you just have to experience for yourself. So take a chance, open the door and see what He has waiting on the other side!
Happy Thanksgiving y’all!
14 days…
It’s all that stands between me and my departure.
The last month of my 6 month-long journey through a different world.
The last two weeks of my life in Kenya.
how do I feel? (one may ask)
I feel joy.
Joy over all aspects of it. Over the hundreds of hours I have spent laughing here. The many memories of messing up the language, of being called “muzungu”, of holding my breath as a bus passes and leaves me in a cloud of exhaust. Unending pictures of beautiful landscape and even more breath-taking children. The memories of holding little ones, especially little Austin, and wanting to sneak them away and give them everything the world has to offer.
Joy over the tears, happy and sad. Joy over the moments of loneliness and doubt because they allowed me to see the Lord move in ways I’ve never known before. Joy over His constant presence and strength. Joy over being shown my weakness and being allowed to witness the Lord become even more beautiful because of them. Joy over the struggles of finding myself in all the madness. Joy because of all the love, prayers and blessings I received from family and friends at home. Joy over growing to love and respect my parents more because of what I have learned. Joy over the countless times the Lord has corrected, comforted and guided me. Joy even in the moments of anger towards God for not solving these problems I have witnessed and for allowing this suffering to continue, for out of that anger there always came a strong, soft voice that reminded me that He is hurting for these people more than I ever could, and He is holding them more carefully than any earthly security I can offer.
I’m full of joy that He blessed me with one more month – I’m not ready to go yet. Don’t get me wrong… I miss home TERRIBLY. There are days when I see a picture of the beautiful fall mountains of Boone, NC and my heart breaks. There are moments when I hang up the phone after a conversation with one of my roommates and I wish like anything I could be there. It’s so tough for me to be away from my family and friends. One thing that is very important to me is being a good friend, sister and daughter. I want so desperately to be able to hold my friends as they go through tough situations and to help my dad cook (because he loves to cook) and to laugh at imaginary situations that my sister and I make up. But that is part of what my Savior called me to trust Him with. He called my name and asked me to follow. He said, “Jennie, are you willing to give up the things you love so that I can show you more of the things I love?” He first asked me that question a year ago when I was sitting alone in my car. He has asked me that question every day I have been in Kenya and every day I have to choose to say yes. Some days I don’t. Some days I get upset that I’m missing time with the people I love most. But when I return to His word and to His promises I am set straight. My eyes are opened and the burden becomes a joy. Instead of being sad about being away, I become completely joyous over being apart of His plan and His love for these people.
So I feel joy. In everything.
These last two weeks I will spend working on a promotional video for Joy Springs School (a primary school in Kibera) and another one for my friend Steve’s organization “Uzima“. I am excited yet nervous. These videos are extremely fun to make and I wouldn’t trade my job for the world when I’m making one, but I have never had formal training and that makes me nervous. I want to do an excellent job but I doubt my own abilities. So I am leaving it up to God. I will take my camera into the slum, meet these beautiful children and the wonderful adults working desperately to change the lives of this younger generation and I will capture moments. I will be an open vessel for the Lord and ask only that His story would be told through this video. May His name the praised and may his children be loved even more through my work.
As I get closer to leaving I ask only that you would pray for my eyes to be focused on Jesus. There is a lot of work, many emotions and tons of details to work through as this time wraps up but I know He isn’t done with me yet! Pray that my heart would stay true to Him and that I would stay focused on my purpose for being here.
Pray also for hope for this nation. There are many more people who will come to this land with the call to reach those who are lost. Pray for the growth of these people. I am here for 6 months. That isn’t a long time, but it is enough if the Lord says it is. My prayer is that I wouldn’t leave these people unchanged. My prayer is that I will be faithful to continue on until the day of completion and that my Father would be faithful to fulfill His good work in & through me.
I have no words left to say as my heart is full. May He be lifted high today, tomorrow and forever!
Footsteps of Tender Feet 